When a Dominant Loses Control

A Dominant with a proper sense of confidence and strength can also be humble, make a mistake, and laugh at himself.   A submissive shows her strength and commitment to the dynamic if she can laugh along with him and not at him.  D/s is a deep, intense journey, but it is after all a journey between a woman and a man.  And that, done well, is enough. Dominants are not gods...they are mortal men...my Master is always Dominant and always a leader regardless of a bump or a mistake, his or mine. Great Dominants are men of courage and character and perseverance. W/we are all ultimately human and we err at times. This to me and i have said often is an interdependent state, a free flow of energy that enriches the power exchange. Real, realistic and reality.......relationships are not undertaken wearing rose coloured glasses. I don't choose to give my Master space to not be a Dominant, as i NEVER decide, my Master decides, ultimately and always it rests with him.  i don't dictate, but i do have an equal voice and support of him....my Master knows very well what he needs and when and has the self assured strength not to need my permission to do anything....grins.

my Master often says he holds me with an open hand. It poignantly reminds me of the role a loving Dominant plays in teaching, guiding and protecting while never holding a submissive captive. I find that my Master guides me to be the best that i can be and in so doing he sets me free.... free of myself and the limitations imposed on me by upbringing, society at large, and a life lived. Ultimately it is me who gratefully and graciously creates my own chains, committing myself voluntarily to his Dominance, he having encouraged me to fly. I find that way of managing me encourages the growth, evolution. It requires a constant good communication on both our parts. The check and balance of the relationship.

I feel that you should never be complacent, the need to nurture a relationship so it does not grow stagnant, and that translates to any relationship D/s or nilla.  I feel that you are personally, when you set out on this path constantly building that strong foundation that becomes the launch pad for the active parts of the relationship.

Putting your Dominant on a Pedestal!

I am always intrigued by the concept of transparency as it relates to the power dynamic. I think it is natural to put your Dominant up on a pedestal especially at the onset of new relationships. I personally feel that transparency can be the check and balance to that, it allows you to keep a realistic outlook and not project your expectations onto your Dominant, i am very master centric in how my slavery manifests, i am a strong personality who submits deeply.

I completely adore my Master, i worship him, he is the axis on which i turn, it does not make me less or him more, we are in balance.... but i find that state happened because we are both flawed, we both make mistakes, we are human we errr and it is how we coped with those bumps, how our dynamic has evolved and grown that propagated that shiny pedestal. I am in love with the reality of Him and it is that i adore in a positive way.

I hope that makes some kind of sense.

"If D/s is not honest it's not happening"

My personal thoughts for me ~ He controls you. That’s it. Plain and simple. The release of power to Him was your decision and you gave it to Him. By being dishonest you are withholding, you not only create barriers in your relationship but you insult Him in a way a submissive rarely can insult their Dominant. you insult Him by not trusting in the trust you relinquished to Him and by doing this, you convey the message that you do not trust Him and that the release of control to Him was nothing but a lie, a mirage built of falseness.

 "If D/s is not honest it's not happening"

I understand that He may not know what i need to know all of the time, but surely if you are in a healthy dynamic with open communication there will be no reluctance to discuss or exclusion. I personally would rather know and talk that through, than fight the shadows or succumb to insecurities, or worse feel that i can't share my thoughts or feelings honestly at the risk of being accused of topping.

"If D/s does not have communication It's not happening"

Positive Submissive Influence.

The connection my Master and i are building is a profoundly deep one that can only come from a trusting and caring relationship between two people. It is the trust bond combined with a deep desire to please and be pleasing that leads to the overt manifestations of my submission in the physical sense. His Dominance calls to me in ways i can't always put words too, feelings take over.

I bounce off great comments and Masters comment about submission itself being a catalyst for influence, my Master is in control thank you. But he does not need control with a an closed iron fist; it is more a tender handhold while leading our dance, and i love that analogy as to me it chimes with the symbiosis of our dynamic. A gentle squeeze here, a subtle pressure there. Ultimately W/we both want to go to the same place and in the same direction, he is simply guiding us there.

I could stop the dance at any moment. I could stomp on my foot. I could walk off the dance floor. But that is not how it works. We both want to dance. We both want Master to lead, it simplifies things, it is the most freeing type of control to me personally. But before he take us to a new step, a new complex move, a different rhythm , there is a subtle tacit discussion that takes place, a mutual symbiotic move forward together that is gained. A nod of acceptance. A look of desire. Permission. Consent. Subtle positive submissive influence.

After a particularly frustrating and judgemental group discussion online, which edged too much towards personal bias for my comfort, i wrote this to my Master...smiles.

My dear Master,

I absolutely adored this and had to share it, I feel like this, unadulterated passion, femaleness and sexuality, unafraid to state my truth and roar at the moon, to follow you where you lead down that deliciously decadent rabbit hole that is our M/s, our dynamic.

Gods the joy I find in the freedom you gift, the bliss, passion and focus under your guidance.

I am your woman, your slave, your whore, your little creature and I don't give a fuck for anyone's judgement but yours!

Your devoted slave

Flame x

This is for the women who don’t give a fuck.

The women who are first to get naked, howl at the moon and jump into the sea.

The women who drink too much whisky, stay up too late and have sex like they mean it.

The women who know they aren't sluts because they enjoy sex, but human beings with a healthy sexual appetite.

The women who will ask you for what they need in bed.

This is for the women who seek relentless joy; the ones who know how to laugh with their whole souls.

The women who speak to strangers because they have no fear in their hearts.

The ones who wear “night make up” in the morning or don’t own mascara.

The women who know their worth, who plant their feet and roar in their brilliance.

The women who aren’t afraid to tell a man to get the fuck out of her heart if he doesn’t honour her heart.

This is for the women who rock combat boots with frilly skirts.

The women who swear like truck drivers.

The women who hold the people who harass or wrong them with fierce accountability.

The women who flip gender norms and false limitations the bird and live to run successful companies giving “the man” a run for his name.

The ones who don’t find their success a compliment just because they have a vagina.

Women like Gloria Steinem who, when she was told, “We want a writer, not a woman. Go home,” kept writing anyway.

This is for the women who drink coffee at midnight and wine in the morning, and dare you to question it.

For the women who open doors for men and are confident enough to have doors opened for them.

Who use “no” to be in service for themselves.

Who don’t give a damn about pleasing the world, and do sweetly as they wish.

For the superheroes—the single moms who work three jobs to make it. I salute your resilient, cape-flapping, ambitious selves.

This is for the women who throw down what they love, and don’t waste time following society’s pressures to exist behind a white picket fence.

The women who create wildly, unbalanced, ferociously and in a blur at times.

The women who know how to be busy and know how to plant their feet in the earth and get grounded.

These are the women I want around me.

Janne Robinson

Broken promise.

How did i get here?
Standing in the same spot.
Yesterday was a good day.
Last week was a great week.
Every decision i made,
I thought good ones.
I must protect myself from the pain.
Dont let anyone close.
I promise- not ever again.

Now, i look at myself.
Standing in the same spot.
All the times before,
I only remember
the words being used
against me, like a weapon.
Used to dig out my heart.
cut up my soul.
I promise- not ever again.

But, I look at myself.
Standing in the same spot.
Waiting,
Wanting,
Fearing,
to hear those words.

One more time,
Let me hear those words.
    I LOVE YOU
   
 ~Author unknown.

                         

Change is the essence of life.

Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.

~unknown